Cerita Tentang Farhana

 Hi, It has been a while I did not write . Last Saturday I attended his first son wedding it was a beautiful wedding . Met my best friend. Lately sometimes I am feeling numb. I don't feel love today.  I don't know how to feel and what to feel anymore . He wrote a song and the lyrics .. hidup kadang kala membosankan hanya mengikut watak dan lakonan ...I think I am feeling the same at this moment. One day he wrote : Good morning  sayang. Abang tahu you perlukan banyak perhatian and reassurances dalam perhubungan. Suka diyakinkan selalu. I faham dah cara you tapi kadang2 tak mampu nak dituruti. But still I love you. I am so tired of my life . Nothing is good for now. He will leave me soon. No expectation . Nothing . Everything will stand stills. Everything will be so quiet . Everything will be so different. He said he loves me but I never understand and that makes me feel so unsure of everything . I think that is my problem, cos I don't understand why people loves me . Why h...

 Hi, Today I met my hubby. There are so many things in his mind maybe he is so quiet. I am fasting today so I better not make it worst. Tak nak gaduh with him. Love him today and tomorrow and the next 71 days.  In the afternoon he text me : "Sorry sayang, dah sambung session semula.. nak complete all 14 members today" I am so used to be the last in the list I feel nothing anymore ..Sorry means nothing .. I am just feeling plain.. what else is new Farhana 

 Hello and Salam Jumaat , These past few days I have been very positive. I am happy and pretend everything is good. I have been reading lots of positive notes. But deep inside I am still struggling at times. My hubby is busy with his work and life. I let him go and do things he wants to do. I will be ok. I have to be ok . (Do I have a choice ?)  I should be good. 

 Hi, I am listening to the song he did for me . Mendakap Pelangi. Today, I let him go. I am so tired of working out the relationship. I am so tired of thinking what is best for him but he does not see it. Penat tau pagi pagi cari mee hun sup and park kereta entah mana and walk and order and wait and then he said he tak nak makan . I was so so disappointed. He only text me about work , about his family. and I ni siapa . Sometimes I tertidur and terjaga fikir about him. But nothing from him about us. Tak tanya pun how was my day . Everything is about kerja , wedding and family . One of his text to me :  "Susah sayang not to think about work, nama je MC dok rumah, tapi whatsapp berkaitan kerja masuk bertalu talu macam biasa juga" This week he sakit but I know being the big boss in the office , I know it is not easy. I give up maybe Auntie Sofia pun did the same thing to Abah . And now us. I am so tired. 

 Hi, Hubby is not well today and I need to finish my work . Miss him alot . Let him rest Farhana. He is at kak CT's house for now. I need to finish my work and go back to bake cake for a celebration tomorrow.